Autism and anxiety in school: How to support your child

Introduction

School can be a challenge for many children. But for children with autism who also feel anxious, it can feel especially tough. Crowded classrooms, noisy hallways, and sudden changes can be overwhelming. In this blog, we’ll look at how autism and anxiety often go hand-in-hand, and what you can do to help your child feel calmer, safer, and more confident at school.

Understanding Autism and Anxiety in School

What is Autism?

Autism (Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD) is a developmental condition. This means the brain works differently, especially in how a person talks, plays, and understands the world. Every autistic child is different, but many:

• Find loud sounds, bright lights or busy places difficult

• Struggle to understand facial expressions or body language

• Prefer routines and feel anxious when things change

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, fear, or unease. We all feel anxious sometimes — for example, before a test or a big event. But when anxiety is strong or doesn’t go away, it can stop children from joining in, learning, or making friends. Children with autism are more likely to feel anxious, especially when life feels confusing or overwhelming.

Why Do Autistic Children Often Feel Anxious at School?

Some common reasons include:

• Social difficulties – Struggling to make or keep friends, or being misunderstood

• Bullying – Sadly, some autistic children are picked on, which makes them feel unsafe

• Changes and transitions – Moving from one task to another can be hard to manage

• Sensory overload – Loud noise, smells, or busy spaces can raise stress levels

• Masking – Trying to appease others to "fit in" can be exhausting and lead to burnout

How to Spot Anxiety in Your Child

It’s not always easy to know when a child is anxious. Some children try to hide it. Others may not have the words to explain how they feel. A useful way to think about this is the iceberg analogy – what you see on the surface (meltdowns, refusal, anger) may be just a small part of what’s really going on underneath (fear, overwhelm, sadness).

Signs of Anxiety Might Include:

1. School Avoidance

Your child might ask to stay home often or become upset about going to school. This may be because school feels too stressful or unsafe.

2. Masking

In an attempt to maintain under the radar, children might do things they don’t want to do with friendship groups, romantic relationships, choosing their subjects and even answering questions as ‘I don’t know’ as they don’t want to appear smart, or because they are scared of follow up questions and lack of processing time.

3. Sensory Overload

Noisy classrooms, bright lights or strong smells can be too much. Your child might cover their ears, struggle to focus, or become upset suddenly.

4. Social Struggles

It may be hard for your child to understand friendship rules, jokes, or group work, leading to feelings of loneliness or rejection.

5. Academic Pressure

Children with autism may find it difficult to plan, start, or finish school tasks. This can make them feel anxious or frustrated.

Simple Ways to Support Your Child

1. Help with School Refusal or Avoidance

• Find the cause – Ask your child what feels hard. It could be the noise in assembly or stress at lunchtime.

• Work with the school – Create a calm, quiet place they can go when overwhelmed.

• Take small steps – Help your child go back to school slowly, at their own pace.

• Be flexible – On tough days, reduced hours or fewer tasks might help.

2. Build Emotional Awareness

Teach your child to notice and name their feelings. Try:

• Body mapping – Ask them to draw where in their body they feel stress, fear, or calm.

• Emotion cards or charts – Let them choose pictures that match how they feel.

• Regular check-ins – Give space to talk, especially after school.

3. Make Things Predictable

Autistic children often feel safer when they know what’s coming next.

• Use a visual timetable so they can see the day ahead

• Warn them about changes, even small ones

• Set up a quiet, sensory-friendly space with things like fidget toys or headphones

4. Keep Communication Open

Some children find it hard to talk about their worries. To help:

• Build trust by checking in often, without pressure

• Use a feelings journal or emotion scale

• Allow quiet time alone when needed – but watch for signs of total withdrawal

When to Seek Extra Support

If anxiety is stopping your child from enjoying life or learning, it may be time to get professional help. A child therapist can work with you and your child to:

• Spot patterns in their thinking

• Teach calming strategies

• Build confidence

Therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be helpful for many children with autism and anxiety.

Conclusion

Autism and anxiety at school can feel like a tough mix. But with the right support, your child can thrive. You know your child best — and by working with the school, being patient, and listening to their needs, you can make a big difference.

Need Support?

If you’d like help managing your child’s anxiety or want to learn more about therapy options, we’re here to support you.
👉 Contact us today or book a free consultation with a specialist child psychologist.

FAQs

Q: How do I help my autistic child with anxiety at school?
A: Start by listening to your child, working with their school, and creating routines. If anxiety continues, speaking to a child therapist can help.

Q: What causes anxiety in autistic children?
A: Things like changes to routine, sensory overload, social difficulties, and masking can all lead to anxiety in autistic children.

Q: Can therapy help autistic children with school refusal?
A: Yes, therapy such as CBT can help children understand their anxiety and build confidence to return to school step by step.