Why do people self-harm? Understanding the causes and providing support

Introduction

Discovering that your child is self-harming can be a difficult and emotional experience. As a parent or caregiver, it's natural to feel overwhelmed, confused, or unsure about how to help. Self-harm often reflects deeper emotional pain, and addressing the causes is key to supporting your child. Understanding why young people self-harm, offering the right resources, and knowing when to seek professional help can guide your family through this challenging time.

This guide will explore the reasons behind self-harm, provide practical strategies to support your child, and explain when professional help is needed.

Why Do Young People Self-Harm?

Adolescence is a time of intense emotional development. For some young people, these emotions can feel overwhelming, leading to self-harm as a way to cope.

Common reasons for self-harm include:

• Avoiding unpleasant situations or events

• Escaping difficult feelings such as sadness, anger, or frustration

• Releasing emotions they find scary or uncomfortable

• Communicating distress to others

• Gaining a sense of control in challenging situations

• Seeking care or attention

• Punishing themselves or dealing with shame

• Connecting with peers who may also engage in self-harm

Understanding the reasons behind self-harming behaviour allows parents to approach their child with compassion and respond in ways that are most helpful.

How Parents Can Support a Child Who Self-Harms

Supporting a child who self-harms requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to learn. Here are practical steps you can take:

1. Stay Calm

Your initial reaction to discovering self-harm is important. Avoid responding with anger or judgment, as this can push your child away. Instead:

• Take a few moments to notice what is going on for you in that moment before engaging with your child.

• Gently express your concern and let your child know you are there to listen. Use non-confrontational language, such as: “I’ve noticed you’ve been hurting yourself. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?”

• Let your child know that all emotions are okay and that you’re there to support them.

2. Create a Safe and Supportive Environment

Make your child’s environment as safe and nurturing as possible.

What you can bring into their environment:

• Self-help books

• Audio recordings for relaxation

• Opportunities to spend time with pets or nature

What you may need to remove from their environment:

• Objects your child might use to self-harm

• Medications

• Drugs or alcohol

3. Encourage Healthy Coping Strategies

Help your child develop safe ways to manage their emotions:

• Evidence has shown us that naming our feelings and emotions can be linked to better social and emotional functioning. One skill you can encourage your child to practice has the acronym A-N-D.

  
  

  • Aware: Pause and become aware of their body and breath.

  • Name: Identify sensations, e.g., “I feel butterflies in my stomach.”

  • Describe: Connect the sensation to an emotion, e.g., “I feel nervous.”

  
  

• Much like a mobile phone, if we try to block 'messages' (or feelings) this may work in the short term, but in the long term may have consequences. Instead help your child Normalise their emotions and see that these feelings are understandable response to pain.

• Encourage creative outlets such as drawing, music, or journaling.

• Suggest regular physical activity to reduce stress and improve mood.

4. Seek Professional Psychological Help

Self-harm sometimes signals deeper emotional or mental health struggles, such as depression, anxiety, or trauma. In these situations, consulting a mental health professional can provide your child with the psychological help they need. Therapists can:

• Help your child explore their emotions in a safe environment.

• Teach coping mechanisms to replace self-harm.

• Address underlying conditions such as anxiety, depression, or trauma.

When to Seek Immediate Help

If a young person is in crisis, it’s important to make sure they are safe. If you suspect that your child’s self-harm is escalating or if there are any signs of suicidal thoughts, seek immediate professional help. Signs to watch for include:

• Past history

• Current intention

• Active plan

• Access to means

• Current mood of despair

Also consider:

• Frequent or severe injuries.

• Expressing feelings of hopelessness about the future or worthlessness.

• Withdrawal from family, friends, or favourite activities.

In an emergency, contact your GP or visit your nearest hospital. You can also call mental health crisis lines such as Samaritans (116 123) or Childline (0800 1111).

Why Choose Professional Support?

At interACT Psychology, we understand how daunting it can be to navigate these challenges. Our compassionate team of psychologists specialises in helping young people and their families towards emotional well-being.

We offer evidence-based therapies tailored to your child’s unique needs, including:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

• Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)

Our goal is to create a safe space for your child to express their feelings and help them develop the understanding and tools they need to thrive.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How do I know if my child needs therapy for self-harm?

If your child’s self-harm persists, worsens, or begins to affect their daily life, professional support can provide effective interventions.

2. What should I do if my child refuses therapy?

This is common. Reassure your child that therapy is a safe space to talk and explore their feelings. Therapists are skilled at building trust over time.

3. How long does therapy for self-harm usually take?

As self-harm is often a communication of pain and emotional distress, therapy is likely to involve addressing the problems your child is finding painful in order to resolve the risk behaviour. The duration of therapy varies. Some young people can see progress in a few sessions, while others may need longer term support. 

4. Will I be involved in my child’s therapy?

Yes, parental involvement is often key to a successful outcome. You may be asked to participate in sessions or practice strategies at home.

5. Are there other resources I can use to support my child?

Yes, tools like self-help books, relaxation apps, and helplines can complement therapy.

Speak with an experienced Child Therapist

If your child is struggling with self-harm, don’t wait to get help. Contact interACT Psychology today to speak with an experienced therapist. Together, we can provide your child with the compassionate support they need to heal and thrive.